Nostalgia and first post

August 17, 2012, 1:45 AM

It has been almost a year since I became 18 years old.  As cliché as it might sound, last year passed like a wink of an eye for me but looking back, a lot of things happened- happiness expressed, sadness augmented, lessons learned.  As I spend more years here in the University of the Philippines- I can feel how life wants to teach me a lesson.  The past year has been so intoxicating for me and it was during that year when my patience was severely tested, when I realized that my study habit wasn’t enough to fulfill the demand of my course, when I learned how to manage my time, when I taught myself how to find joy and hope amidst the orchestration of frustrating events.  Looking back further, I would reminisce my “high school self”- a girl full of optimism and hope and whose greatest concern that time was to study in UP.  Now, here I am, in the University of my dreams, drinking at least two cups of coffee each day to battle the peculiarly strong temptation of the bed, sleeping an average of 2-3 hours per night, making the library my everyday tambayan, facing the anxiety of “terror” professors, keeping up with the competence of BS BAA and forcing every inch of my body and mind not to waste any precious time.  The words I used were understatements of what I am experiencing now.  I think no words can describe the feeling of handling the life in UP.  The “high school self” in me was nowhere to be found.  Maybe, it was forced to hide because of the pressure that continues to engulf myself.  Worse, maybe, pressured killed it.  Yes, I am mentally and emotionally tortured here.  Yet, studying in UP is no regret.  It made me open to opportunities, made me learn from my own mistakes, taught me how to strive.  It is striving for the best and when you reached the “best”, there will always be something better, so you need to strive some more.  UP life is a never-ending story of striving- of pouring out every effort and exceeding what you once thought were your limitations.  Shallow and funny it might seem, but I would like to compare myself to a sponge once full of water.  The longer I stay here, the tighter the squeeze in me is.  You know what’s amazing?  Once upon a time, I thought I was just this sponge that after being squeezed hardly for a certain period of time will eventually lose every amount of liquid it has.  UP proved and taught me wrong.  Inside me are metaphorical “waters” waiting to be unleashed and yes, I need to be squeezed hardly for that “water” to come out.  It’s easier said than done, everyone. It requires a passionate sense of commitment and determination.  It’s the commitment that will willingly forego any supposedly happy days or friends’ outing to finish a case analysis or study for an exam.  It’s the determination that might shed some tears after failure and frustration but is willing to continue, no matter what happens.  UP honed me to have that commitment and determination.  Someday, I know this will all be worth it- the sleepless nights, the cups of coffee, the pressure, the stress, the tears.  Someday.